Why Won’t Mom Let Me Help Her? Barry Jacobs & Julia Mayer

What do you do when the person you’re trying to help pushes you away? Many caregivers face the heartbreak of watching a loved one struggle while refusing assistance. In this episode, psychologists and caregiving experts Barry J. Jacobs and Julia L. Mayer unpack the emotional dynamics of resistance, the hidden meanings behind “no,” and how caregivers can remain compassionate without burning out.

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🧠 Guest Bios:

Barry J. Jacobs, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist, family therapist, and Principal at Health Management Associates, a national healthcare consulting firm. A former journalist, Barry has authored several books including The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers and coauthored multiple titles with AARP, such as Meditations for Caregivers, Love and Meaning After 50, and the AARP Caregiver Answer Book (2025). Since 2013, he has also penned a caregiver self-help column for AARP.org. He maintains a psychotherapy practice in Media, Pennsylvania, supporting those with chronic illness and their caregivers. He also serves as an honorary board member of the Well Spouse Association.

Julia L. Mayer, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Media, Pennsylvania, with over 30 years of experience helping women in caregiving roles, difficult relationships, and trauma recovery. She is the author of the novel A Fleeting State of Mind and coauthor of several AARP books on caregiving and relationships. A former board president of PSCP—The Psychology Network, she also cohosts the long-running podcast Shrinks on Third, which explores the intersection of psychology and social justice.